IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

Right about now, everyone is talking about the K.U (Kenyatta University) mayhem, for lack of a better word. I just feel bad about the whole incident. I might say something when everyone is quiet about it.

The past week has been very aweful for me. My mind had been clogged by nothing but death thoughts… no matter how hard I tried to evade them thoughts, I even had death dreams… but that’s a story for another day. But I think that I came out a better person, stronger. I can handle grief.

I went out to drink this weekend. I blacked-out! Now before you judge me, it was an accident. The fact that I K.O’d was an accident. Because I’ve like, passed out blatantly like that like, three times ever since I started drinking! That’s got to be a record. I had my first sip when I was 16. I know that’s young….

But I’m a responsible young man, I was the guy who talked sense into the heads of the ‘gang’ back in high school. Apparently, while in a group people stop thinking, what else can explain the K.U frenzy? I will explain it to you right now, people stop thinking when they are a group!

Oh, what I should explain is how my ‘accident’ happened. Nothing complex really, I was seated in a bar… I gulped a couple of glasses… and without a warning… I pass out! That’s all I remember. I mean, I wasn’t even past my ‘gauge’ yet. Now this is not something I’m proud of. I regret it, even thought of quiting the drink (still thinking). I did NOT enjoy my high that night. That was a waste… a waste of money… a waste of time… and a waste of energy. I felt this feeling of nothingness in me, it killed me. That sort of behavior is not for a person of my stature. I’m supposed to show these friends of mine the right way!

I doubted what happened, so I said to myself “I won’t blame it on the A-a-a-a-alcohol, since it’s been loyal to me, and I have treated it with respect, we’ve had this wonderful relationship with no strings attached, so I MUST’VE been DRUGED!” All my friends were against the idea, because we were together and everything I had was with me because they took care of me. So I dropped the idea. I’m left with nothing… except that- “It was an accident!”

Now that’s my story. I don’t mind airing my dirty laundry for you all to see, unless if you all do.

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DEATH AND ITS EFFECTS

I want to begin by saying that we hold the destiny of our future in our hands… until someone robs us of that promise when they take our lives. Arise from where they were lurking and ambush us. That’s roughly what happened to a fellow student last night, I’m yet to find out the details.

Its funny when I start thinking about death, this time it was really scary. It’s the news of Eric’s death that got me to thinking, including how I received the news and the things about life and death that I ‘discovered’ (from a book I was reading) preceding this event. I had travelled back home so I wasn’t in campus. I received a text that I read just once and couldn’t get myself to read it again. It was short and to the point, there’s got to be a universal layout for writing bad news cuz this text had a horror connotation to it. There is something about how it was formatted that instilled fear… grief… so I called, as if to confirm. Or maybe that’s why I called. Hearing it was even harder, confirming it only made it more horrific. It was true.

First thing I thought was; life is short. I mean, I knew him! It was like a wake up call that one day I too am going to die and it doesn’t have to be in old age cuz that could have been me. I can die even tomorrow… or now! I started thinking, how aweful it is when you come back home just to be told the person you talked to yesterday ain’t breathing anymore… a person you knew and loved. But death is not a mystery, its part of life. You are born and you die, right? People die every day, we don’t even notice until its our loved ones.

Just last week my roommate travelled all the way to Naivasha to attend a funeral service, his cousin had passed. He had been instructed not to miss by other living relative. The cousin was a she, a mother, a wife… basically advanced in life compared to us.. him. I listened how he explained to us what happened and why he had to travel the following day, so casually.

“My cousin passed.”

That’s it. And no one even asked what had happened! I did, after a long pause. To me, there was something amiss. I suddenly got scared. People die and they are forgoten.

When Eric died, the only thing that scared me is that I knew him. But when we hear in the news that two people died in a road accident. We think in our thoughts; those are not so many, what about the people who knew the two? Even one life is worth saving. At least let’s recognize life’s worth.

The Afterlife and what death means… all I know, I don’t want to be scared of death, that’s what I keep saying. That’s what I want to achieve, I want to embrace death when it comes rather than fight it. I want my last thought to be- I lived a good life. But I want to die old due to natural causes.

ARE THE DAYS OF REVOLUTIONS OVER?

What I think is this, that democracy is not good for us simply because we are not mature a nation to practice it effectively for our own good. This article is partly inspired by the events of last week when the PM backed up the students of the University of Nairobi in their bid to demonstrate against the killings of a human rights activists and one student of the UoN. Things went terribly wrong, the demonstration or the ‘procession’ as they would like to call it turned out to become a cake-looting spree, those who watched the news know what I’m saying. The student body apologized, formally. At some point they even claimed that those were not students from the University, the looters. Well, the grand question is this; can a peaceful demonstration with all positive intent behind it occur in this nation? Or should we just forget it because whenever we want to express ourselves in the streets thugs come along to take advantage and spoil everything? Before I used to think different and I was wrong, blaming the government for disrupting even the humbliest and most peaceful of demonstration, even those harmless ones carried out by a handful of idle Kenyans. I came to realize even those demonstrations are not harmless. The government wouldn’t just take any chances because they have accepted the idea that there is no such thing as a peaceful demonstration in this country as true.

But then do we really need to demonstrate anyway, is it the best way we can make ourselves heard in this 21st century, doesn’t hitting the streets, yelling and looting sound barbaric? Revolutions came from the result of civil wars and unrest, where citizens said enough is enough and defied authority and brought down that same authority and tore it into pieces. Would that still apply in this day and age, with all the technological advances and all the lessons learnt from the past? We don’t need to have the same solutions for yesterday’s problems, we need better solutions.

Mutahi Ngunyi, on his Sunday article said that this was good, for the students to demonstrate. That it would go far to make the youth (esp those in the university) realize that their ‘legs’ are not tied and that they can push for whatever it is that they desire for this country, that they can have influence on the executive, or something…. Mr. Ngunyi keeps talking about that we have to go through some pain and hardship for us as a nation to have a rebirth. From what I understood he implied that there has to be a war or bloodshed for peace to rest undisturbed omongst us. I totally disagree. I say the days of revoltions are over! Fights for freedoms are done, what’s remained is the struggle.