I went, I saw… May Not Go Back Again!

“I don’t know how to be responsible for what other black male do, I don’t know! I’ve… uh, all my life I lived my life trying to be responsible for what I do.”– Tupac Shakur.

I can’t be thankful enough to God for what he does for pathetic me, I don’t even deserve it. So I live my life knowing that the world owes me nothing! Whatever I get is good because it’s better than nothing, yet nothing is what I truly deserve. Now I don’t like to pull the ‘God’ card when I’m trying to make sense to ‘secular’ people but sometimes there’s just no way to get around it. I’m telling you, my God is not just an excuse I make because He IS, period. By that I mean he really does exist and his presence is emphatic! That is all. I won’t bore anymore with that God talk. It just bothers me that some people think that I owe ‘em something.

Anyway, I went to visit Emily and my only brother Festus (the names are changed to conceal… okay; I don’t know why it just feels wise to do so) in their school today, my first time by the way. That young boy has had his voice broken, and when I shook his hand he gave me that fists handshake that I do with my boys! I even felt threatened. I’d gone with my mom and it was rather fun, it felt like a picnic. Emily is still not Excellent academically but she’s improving, perhaps I can rightfully take some of the credit.

Now, what you have read is the nice part. The journey part was not so pleasant for me at all! Destination was Nakuru, means of transport was molo line matatus, time taken on the road was about three hours, seat taken was in the first row of seats and the consequence was numbness of legs and fatigue! There was no room for my delicate legs to breathe! My legs were screaming so loud that I wished I could cut them off and throw them out the window! I still can’t figure out whether this was because my legs are just fragile or it’s been long since I travelled long distance or there was too little space for legs to stretch. And I don’t know why they say that that school is in Nakuru, it sincerely is not! You get to Nakuru and you take another matatu that will take you a distance that is about the same distance from here to Thika! Poor lil’ kids, my parents did find a fine way to dispose them off! I guess they grew too old to babysit. I’ve been secretly trying to get my sister to protest about this but strangely enough, she likes it that way! Festus has no problem.

Like I have told you before if you have been reading this blog, being a first born kid, it reaches a time when you become the third parent. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don’t. This time I didn’t like. I only like when I get to take part in decision making but not when responsibilities are assigned to me. While my mother took care of Emily’s academic issues with her teacher, she suggested that I go with Festus to his teacher to talk about his progress in his school work. Oh, my word what was that teacher saying! “Festus is a very desiprined mboy, isn’t it? And we know desiprine ngoes had in had with good performance…” and it sort of pissed me off that he kept addressing the little boy rather than me. He said like two words while facing me, the rest… for that reason I didn’t say much myself. I just skimmed through the list of pupil names and their results that he had on his table. I noticed I don’t know some of the subjects these kids study these days so I asked him what SSR stands for; I saw it on that list. Its Social Studies and Religion, if you are as old as I am then I bet you didn’t know that either unless you father a school going kiddo.

Other parents with their kids in their camps.
Festus and Emily digging in in their treasure of foodstuff.

After the seeing Mr. Wanjohi, Festus’ teacher, we went back to our ‘camp’.  I mentioned to mom how Mr. Wanjohi praised little brother for being disciplined. “Yes, he is but he is secretly naughty!” Then Emily remembers and tells us how Festus tells his friends that he doesn’t know her and that she is from Kisumu! That just killed me, lol! I don’t see why he would do that.

Speaking of Kisumu, they will be going on a trip to Kisumu to see Lake Victoria or something. We paid for the trips and left them a little pocket money for the same. Then we started the journey back to Nakuru town before we could take another back to Nairobi. Hell, those matatus in Nakuru don’t carry excess passengers, they carry beyond that! I wish I took a picture of that but I couldn’t reach my pockets. And don’t even get me started on the stench of the people who kept piling up! Sorry Nakuru folks, most of you stink! And one last complaint- as much as it is for my own safety, I don’t like to be frisked and for my luggage to be ransacked. That’s the price molo line passengers pay for a little safety. It was a good day in the end though.

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The Sweetest Things Are Ours To Keep

Sweet Thing
You sure want to eat it, but when you start will you know when to stop?

It amazes me how people choose to live life oblivious of the truth that’s staring them (us) in the face. We sometimes get caught up in the hussle until we find ourselves living for the sake of life itself! You get engaged in this world too much and it corrupts you, for that reason sometimes before I do things I pull back and imagine I’m alone on the planet and do what I’d do if that were true. We live in a secular world that constantly lures us into conforming to its ways so in the end we all find ourselves striving to be alike. This may not necessarily be a bad thing because not all things of the world are bad but it’s true nonetheless. In the world that we are living in, we want money and we want it fast! Today sex is just a thing we do, doesn’t mean much, like a handshake. The world says- have sex or you just ain’t real! What’s the big deal anyway? And then that famous line comes to your head- “…everyone’s doing it!”, so we want to be like everyone else, to be alike. And somehow when we find most of us doing the same bad thing, it becomes acceptable, a way of life. This is the part where oblivion comes in, and the truth that I was talking about earlier is the fact that we are spiritual beings and we will be held accountable for every single thing we do. The laws of nature and those which control the world are not the only laws that exist; there is a law that overrides all other laws. Out of ignorance some people decide they won’t bother themselves with such things, they say they just want to live, when they die then they’ll decide what’s next when they get there. They take care of the needs of their bodies but forget their souls.

Don’t get me wrong, it is a common misconception to think pleasure is evil (because pleasure is a bodily need). Pleasure is good and perhaps a requisite for a fully lived life. The thing with pleasure is it’s a mental thing. Whether or not it becomes bad depends on what is going on in your head. Being rich is pleasurable thus good, but your attitude towards that wealth determines whether you are good or bad (actually I mean right or wrong) in being wealthy. Looking at a beautiful woman who is not your wife is not bad, but once you look at her with lust, that’s bad right there. Having sex is good great! But do it for the wrong reasons and it becomes bad. You see, pleasure is a thing of this world yet it is a good thing and it was put here for us to enjoy this gift called life. There is a way to live, a way that is the best way and a way that will prove fulfilling to each and every one of us. A way that will allow us to discover ourselves and blossom into the best of who we can become! If you settle to conforming to the ways of the world and adapting to its ways and accepting it as the only way things can be, then that’s what you get. Don’t ask me what way this ‘right’ way is because I honestly don’t know, I’m on a quest to finding it. Let me know if you find it first or have found it already.

I am so conscious of what I do and whether I’m right or wrong in doing what I’m doing at any given time and I consciously err all the time, probably because I’m weak- they call that condition being human. But I take full responsibility and strive to be better. I recently realized that in some cases you may not be able to do it on your own so I seek help if/when I need it. Here is how I see life (the one we live now), it’s like an academy; an opportunity for us to gain all spiritual knowledge we can so that we can grow, all in readiness for something that I still don’t know what. But the time we have to do this is extremely short, so while we are at it we might as well have all the pleasure we can get from life- it’s a balancing act. Yet in finding pleasure we watch not to be ‘bad’ lest we fall while we are in that condition. That’s my word.

Lately, this is what has been going through my head. Sometimes my thoughts make me feel like a prisoner of my own self.